Awake in Alignment
trigger warning: depression, panic, abuse, homocide/suicide (reference only), divorce It's 4am. Sleep has been fleeting. The alignment in my body is waking me up. Cramps so severe they remind me of 11 years old; they woke me up. My mind & body aren't broken for the first time in two decades or more. The sensations, they don't feel normal, and they are probably the most normal thing anyone feels. I feel tired, I feel strong, I feel happy, I feel sad. Everyday is a new experience, nothing feels the same as before. It's been over a year since I've seen anyone in my family. This weekend I see them, I see the ones I choose to keep. What will they think of how I look? What will they think about how I am? What will it feel like to hug them, my own flesh and blood? This weekend is 11 years since I set the final ultimatum that put the divorce in motion 4 years later and put my life at risk 3 years later. I am alive. I am here and I am alive. I did not die at the hands...